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1:16 pm
May 4, 2010
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Revenant
| | Hopelessly Locked In A "Fear Cage" | |
| Lead Investigator | posts 1393 |
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We don't really have a place for straight movie reviews. We definitely don't need an entire section for it so maybe this thread can fill that void.
At full disclosure, I love horror films. Give me blood, mayhem, and a stupid foam monster and I'm pretty happy. But this thread is for a different breed. It's more for the infamous "based on a true story" type of schlock.
The traditional ratings of stars or whatever will simply not work for this genre since most would just get zero stars. So, I will be rating the movies based upon various gun shot wounds and the damage inflicted by them. Seems a bit more appropriate in a way.
**SPOILER ALERT** I will be naming names, giving away plots and discussing the endings to these films. Why? Because if you can't figure out what these movies are about right from the start and can't figure out how it's going to end in the first five minutes of the movie…then…maybe, just maybe the Skeptical Viewer isn't for you. Perhaps a website with pretty pictures and small words might work out better….like this.
Movie: The Fourth Kind
Rating: A head-shot by a Barrett XM500 long range sniper rifle (Instant death).
Premise: It's a work of fiction "supposedly based on true events." It's based on psychologist Dr Abigail Tyler. To sum it up…her husband gets killed, her patients start killing themselves, and her daughter disappears. She goes crazy. And…wait for it…aliens are to blame. The movie also sport "real" video footage.
What's Up With That?: Crazy, crazy, crazy. If we are to believe any of this is even remotely true, then her husband killed himself, she played upon the weakness of her patients and made it "easy" for them to do their dirty deeds…and…she killed her daughter. And…no aliens.
The "real" footage is a joke and the farthest thing that you can get from "real." There's so many things wrong with this film that after beginning to type about it…I suddenly feel over-whelmed.
Final Word: Anyone hoisting this film as "evidence" of alien abduction or come away from this movie saying "that actually happens" should be immediately jailed as they are a danger to the general populus.
Movie: Paranormal Activity
Rating: A couple of blasts by a pump-action Remington 870 shotgun to the gut (unbelievably painfully and after a couple of days…death).
Premise: "Blair Witch" style of movie-making…one camera and a lot of annoying shaking and terrible views. A couple experiences…yeah…paranormal activity so they decide to set up a camera to see what's going on. Hijinx ensue.
What's Up With That?: Not based on a true story. One decent scene.
Final Word: My problem with the movie is what happened after my group of friends watched the movie (quick side-note…people thought I'd really enjoy these two movies because I'm "into" the paranormal. The word "into" denotes belief. Which…is sickening in a way. I'm sure many of you have been thrown into that boat as well. I digress…). People began piping up about GH and GA and how they had seen similar things. The actual sentence of "I've seen PROOF of these things on TV" was uttered. My heart sank. I mean seriously…
**FINAL DISCLAIMOR** In no way am I endorsing these movies. Please…do not spend money on seeing them. I didn't. I can't. I just can't contribute to these types of things. It also explains why I haven't seen "A Haunting In Connecticut." Giving money to Lorraine Warren? Yeah…I don't think so…
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"Skepticism is not a position, it's a process." -Dr Michael Shermer
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3:17 am
May 5, 2010
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JM
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I'll agree with you about Fourth Kind…I watched parts of it (at no cost to me other than ethical responsibilities that I don't care about…hint hint) and kinda zoned in and out of doing other things while it was on. The best aspect of it was that it gave me the urge to re-watch Communion with Christopher Walken.
So, yeah, it blew monkey genitalia, and probably less savory simian body regions as well.
I liked Paranormal Activity, though. It had its flaws, and it was no Exorcist or NOTLD in terms of horror movies, but it was very enjoyable and well acted, I thought. Comparisons to Blair Witch (which I also liked…despite the fact that it lifted the idea from Last Broadcast) are unavoidable, but it had a certain genuine, youtube generation resonance to it that I found interesting.
I thought it should have been longer and …really really should have ended with more of a bang. As Spoony said in his review of the film: Open a hellmouth in the end, have a dimly lit, blurry cloven hooved hellbeast brutalize the puny humans. I'd add this: At least do more to have the para-activity severity more closely match 'In the Hall of the Mountain King", which is the pattern of progression it appears to promise, but doesn't _quite_ deliver on.
Have the "real", "badass" demonologist show up(having him not show up was a real cop out and a disappointment). Have him get his ass handed to him by the demon. Have them flee the house to escape the thing…and realize that he's impossible to run from. Like, say, "The Entity", which was admittedly a much better ghost movie than this.
PA has the advantage of being one of the better horror flicks to come out during whats'….unarguably a big lull in quality for horror, so maybe that's why I feel the need to defend it to a limited degree, but I would still certainly recommend paying the price to rent/Netflix it. Unlike Fourth Kind, which you're spot on about.
I also wondered why they never tried shutting the bedroom door to see if it would keep the demon out…it'd at least make a nice addition to the Bloopers section on the DVD:
*Bumping noise*
Demonic Voice: Ow.
*Bumping noise*
Demonic Voice: Ow.
And repeat this as needed.
And…if the demon leaves hoofprints in baking soda on the floor….why not grease the floor with Crisco to see what happens? Or go with the classic banana peels?
Demonic Voice: Shiiiii!
*Big BOOM impact noise upon the hallway floor*
Demonic Voice, which now sounds slightly less Demonic and slightly more like Woody Allen: Owwwww….I fell on my keys….
Ok…I'm done.
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5:16 am
May 5, 2010
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blinddog
| | Special Agent Zombie Elimination Agency | |
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REV!!! Teletubbies and a pointer icon that looks like a phallus.
Now that sh*t is scary!
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Double tap to the head. Don't become Undead.
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1:00 am
May 6, 2010
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Revenant
| | Hopelessly Locked In A "Fear Cage" | |
| Lead Investigator | posts 1393 |
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JM said: "And…if the demon leaves hoofprints in baking soda on the floor….why not grease the floor with Crisco to see what happens? Or go with the classic banana peels?"
Actually, it's interesting that you bring that up…
First, in some thread ages ago, we discussed this as a possible test for GH to conduct. Time goes by and lo and behold, they pull the bag of flour out. Of course, in classic GH style, they don't secure the area, they don't have camera's on it, and the prints left in the flour looked a bit too modern for what they were describing (…don't get me started on "ghost clothes." Just not sure how a ghost generates clothing or shoes or whatever…). I started the thread…yet…can't remember what it was called and I'm wayyy to lazy right now to look.
Back to the movie…this is where they pulled a "Cape Fear" on me. That's my term for a movie doing something so illogical that they instantly lose me. (In the remake of Cape Fear with Robert DeNiro…something quite strange happens near the end. DeNiro hops on the boat, takes control of it, and ties the family up. Intending on killing the family and since no one knows where they are…this is the perfect situation for DeNiro. So what does he do? With a storm coming, he cuts the line to the anchor so the boat drifts. NO reason in the world to do that. None. Except…so the boat drifts down river, crashes on the rocks and you get your big Hollywood ending. That's the only reason that DeNiro cuts the line. Since that time…pulling a Cape Fear has come to mean doing something highly illogical.
In Paranormal Activity, they have video evidence of prints just appearing in the white powder on the floor. What do they do? Really…nothing. They simply continue on with staying in the house. WHAT? At best, you have an unseen intruder in the house. Get out. At worst, you stumbled across evidence of the paranormal. That means there's an unseen, unknown, and quite powerful force in your house coming after your girlfriend. Get out. She says it will follow her. So? Test it. Can it follow you to Canada? China? Who cares where. Just get out. That should really be step one in any plan.
Also, the guy is a trader by profession. He's not going to see this as an opportunity not only to get help for your girlfriend, but make some money in the process? He's not going to contact every ghost-hunting show out there as well as every news station? Want instant help? Post on some psychic boards with the film clips and you couldn't keep them out (wanting to communicate with it and write their books…).
So…the white powder on the floor…yeah, it Cape Feared me. At least the Blair Witch movie was consistent and had a better ending. The shaking and the annoying views did bother me, but I still liked it.
But…they did get bonus points for the creative way of getting the girlfriend out of bed. I'm sure many people had a hard time getting that image out of their heads…
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"Skepticism is not a position, it's a process." -Dr Michael Shermer
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12:54 pm
May 6, 2010
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Bobarino
| | Valencia, CA | |
| Investigator | posts 181 |
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Revenant said:
…my group of friends…
Hmm. You have friends? ::skeptical mode:: :-)
Joking aside, my fiance always give me a sh*t for watching Destination Truth and (in the past) ghost hunters and calls me gullible for "beleive taht stuff". I always tell her I watch to try to catch them faking something, but I guess she never beleived me. Or just liked busting my chops.
But then, we saw both of these movies and she thinks they are based on real events and freaks out. I just shake my head. I can't convince her they are just stories she is totally convinced.
What can you do?
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I've found that being AWESOME is a full time job…
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9:03 pm
May 7, 2010
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JM
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| Investigator in Training | posts 13 |
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Bobarino said:
Revenant said:
…my group of friends…
Hmm. You have friends? ::skeptical mode:: 
Joking aside, my fiance always give me a sh*t for watching Destination Truth and (in the past) ghost hunters and calls me gullible for "beleive taht stuff". I always tell her I watch to try to catch them faking something, but I guess she never beleived me. Or just liked busting my chops.
But then, we saw both of these movies and she thinks they are based on real events and freaks out. I just shake my head. I can't convince her they are just stories she is totally convinced.
What can you do?
A (distant) ex of mine had the same problem over "Signs"…which I found to be the beginning of the end for Shyamalan.
It had a few good cattle-prod style scares, but….I found Communion exponentially for frightening…as it's just more in tune with how aliens would act–they'd be weird to an once nonsensically ridiculous/nigh humorous to our eyes, and also absolutely effing terrifying in Lovecraftian sort of way.
And they would have been smart enough to NOT invade earth if water killed them…..because of ….well:
You encounter a planet…75 percent of its surface is covered by a liquied that KILLS YOU,,,and on 92 percent of the rest, it regularly rains down this same compoud. Highly advances race, eh?
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2:06 am
May 9, 2010
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Revenant
| | Hopelessly Locked In A "Fear Cage" | |
| Lead Investigator | posts 1393 |
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JM said: "And they would have been smart enough to NOT invade earth if water killed them…..because of ….well: You encounter a planet…75 percent of its surface is covered by a liquied that KILLS YOU,,,and on 92 percent of the rest, it regularly rains down this same compoud. Highly advances race, eh?"
Yeah, an excellent point. And don't forget…they couldn't negotiate doorknobs either (being "trapped" in that guy's closet…). You can create technology to conquer the great expanse of space…but you can't get out of a closet. Add in the complete and utter lack of defense against sticks (the baseball bat) and you start wondering if these aliens just wandered on someone else's spaceship and just landed here by accident…
Anyway…
Movie: 2012
Rating: Sprayed by a 7.62 mm GAU-17/A Gatling gun ("luckily" you only get hit several times in the legs, you do lose the use of your legs, but you somehow survive the encounter).
Premise: The end is not near…it's here. Solar neutrinos cause the Earth to heat up and tear up almost every continent. What does humanity do? We build "arks" to ride out the floods…how biblical.
What's Up With That?: Hey, wait…did you just feel that? 50 trillion solar neutrinos just passed through your body. That number does so every single second of every single day. So…not sure exactly how they're heating up the planet and wrecking it beyond belief…unless they're the dreaded evil Mayan solar neutrinos…
Oh, and the reason behind the rating? Woody Harrelson gets killed. That's always a positive thing in any movie and it should be reflected in the rating. If John Cusack would have gotten killed, the bullets from the Gatling gun would have bounced off of you, but…he didn't die, so no such luck…
Final Word: This isn't "based on a true story" but many people are still concerned with it. Of course, this certainly isn't the first time that people thought that the Earth was going to end. Here's a thread on that topic.
As far as disaster films go…it isn't bad. Some pretty cool effects can be seen throughout. If that's all that you're going after then you won't be disappointed. If you're looking for anything of substance or thought-provoking dialogue…then you've chosen poorly. Sentences such as "That exploded good!" is what we're looking at here. I guess the only thing that I'm thankful for is that they didn't mention any of that nonsense about the crystal skulls. Be thankful for small miracles…
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"Skepticism is not a position, it's a process." -Dr Michael Shermer
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9:01 pm
May 9, 2010
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JM
| | JM | |
| Investigator in Training | posts 13 |
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I'll add my own review, a positive one!
The Last Broadcast.
Though not…_strictly_ paranormal-related, I believe it has many aspects to it that skepticalviewer visitors will enjoy and find relevant.
As I mentioned above, it's the grandaddy of the shaky-cam, mockumentary horror genre–predating(and I'd wager probably inspiring) The Blair Witch Project.
Plot is: The hosts of a dying public access paranormal show are brutally murdered/mutilated while doing a live show on the Jersey Devil, in the Pine Barrens. The film is setup as an investigative documentary on those killings. Grainy footage, speculation, and pseudo-science, the works. And complete with an attempted vindication of the "obvious" convicted suspect for the killings.
I can't reveal much more without giving away the whopper of an unsettling twist ending. I normally really don't like twist endings, but I think it works here.
Being familiar with the age of usenet and IRC will also enhance the enjoyability, I should add.
The film was made for 900 dollars, and for the most part, doesn't betray that–rather, it's a marvel of film-making thriftiness in this regard.
I'm sorry I can't provide more overt praise–but doing so is nigh impossible to do without blowing the ending. It's not the best movie EVAR, of course, but it's worth a watch, especially to the inhabitants of these forums.
If you're having trouble finding it through normal means….this link here might aid you in watching it:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7625617229946173625#
Yeah, it's the whole movie. Enjoy the odd, eerie portentousness. Interested to hear reactions, both positive and negative…by experience is that its one of those love it or hate it flicks.
Addendum: If you don't feel like posting your reaction, please feel free to message me privately with it….particularly with regard to the ending….which is where the love/hate reaction is most fiercely contested.
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10:37 am
July 12, 2010
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Revenant
| | Hopelessly Locked In A "Fear Cage" | |
| Lead Investigator | posts 1393 |
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I started this thread really for the "based on a true story" type of horror movies. Yet, since I think that we can all agree that the zombie invasion is inevitable now…any sort of zombie movie can be viewed more as a training film. With that said…
Movie: The Crazies
Rating: You hear gun-shots in the distance. Ever concerned, you go the opposite way, turn a corner and run right into a pack of zombies. And to make matters worse, you're wearing your favorite shirt…which is now going to get completely ruined by all of your blood and intestines and whatnot all over it. "Game over man…game over…"
Premise: Secret plane crashes, effects drinking water, people get all crazy-like, military gets involved, hi-jinx ensue.
What's Up With That?: It's a decent zombie film, with above average acting and below average zombies. Tim Olyphant (from the excellent action movie "Hitman" and the excellent TV show "Justified.") somehow gets talked into this movie and does as good as someone can in it. The movie is actually a remake of an George Romero film in the early '70's.
Final Word: Like I just said…a decent zombie flim with above average acting and below average zombies. That was BEFORE I began watching the bonus features. Only then was I informed that this wasn't a zombie flim and that they weren't zombies…below average zombies…
The director and the producer droned on about how they "broke new ground" with this film. That the film was "unique" because the people only had an "infection." Listening to them, they stop just short of taking credit for creating an entirely new genre of movie…the "No, they're NOT zombies, this is something completely different, new and unique and WE created it!" type of movie.
This is where I really want to break in with a Saturday Night Live "Really?" skit with Seth Meyers. But…I won't. But I will counter in another way…
At full disclosure…I love me some zombies. The gore, the special effects, the stupidity…it's all good. Zombie movies basically come in two flavors. The first is the mystical, magical, voodoo type…like "The Serpent And The Rainbow." The other…sinister government/military interaction with the populace and brains suddenly becomes number one on the menu.
In 1973, you could have gotten away with "it's just an infection and they're not zombies" kind of movie. In 2010, even in a remake…anyone with a brain still in their head…will recognize and acknowledge what we are seeing are zombies…not some "new, unique, breaking new ground" only infected people. Since 1973, we've had 37 years of zombies pounding on our heads and eating our brains. No matter what YOU call them and how YOU envision them…WE will see ZOMBIES and call them ZOMBIES.
I was laughing the whole time while watching the bonus features. I've never seen such denial (well, outside of the political arena) and weirdness. It's a zombie film that's anti-zombie. I'm not sure how you remake a Romero film, be anti-zombie, and then claim how genius you are while not really even acknowledging the genius that is George Romero. So, before the bonus features…thumbs up even though they had below average zombies. After the bonus features…I'll never watch anything by director Breck Eisner again (and "Breck?" Really?).
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"Skepticism is not a position, it's a process." -Dr Michael Shermer
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5:27 am
July 13, 2010
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Sheetie Attitude
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I am loving the reviews. Pure entertainment about entertainment. Thank you.
Since it has been stated that all zombie movies should be considered training films, I would like to add to the list, the zombie classic, "Weekend At Bernies".
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2:30 am
July 15, 2010
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Revenant
| | Hopelessly Locked In A "Fear Cage" | |
| Lead Investigator | posts 1393 |
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Sheetie Attitude said: "Since it has been stated that all zombie movies should be considered training films, I would like to add to the list, the zombie classic, "Weekend At Bernies"."
I think…and I'm not throwing down any money on this…but I believe that you are actually referring to "Weekend At Bernies, part 2." In the first one, he's just a dead guy. It wasn't until the second one that they dabbled in Voodoo in order to get Bernie to lead them to some money or something.
I look at this film as early Zombie propaganda by the government; Look how cute and fun zombies can be. They're not about eating you…they're about leading you to riches beyond your wildest dreams. How positively insidious. The government's spin machine working Hollywood to mask their master plan and dastardly deeds. The Zombie invasion is coming my friends…oh…it's coming…
Sheetie Attitude also said: "I am loving the reviews. Pure entertainment about entertainment. Thank you."
No, thank you. It just gives me a chance to rant. And…I watch a lot of movies so why not share? 
But really, I don't know why we didn't start this thread earlier. We focus on the TV shows but we've sort of let the "based on a true story" movies slide. Well, they shouldn't go unchallenged. A great example is "The Amityville Horror." Skeptics questioned it, examined it, and eventually just tore it to shreds. Throughout time, after the lawsuits and counter-lawsuits, we've seen that story just fall apart. There's been some very decent work (critical thought and examination) done concerning that "event."
So, this thread, hopefully, is a good place to begin discussion on these films as well as…again, hopefully…having some fun along the way.
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"Skepticism is not a position, it's a process." -Dr Michael Shermer
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10:30 am
July 17, 2010
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Sheetie Attitude
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| Investigator | posts 50 |
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I think…and I'm not throwing down any money on this…but I believe that you are actually referring to "Weekend At Bernies, part 2." In the first one, he's just a dead guy. It wasn't until the second one that they dabbled in Voodoo in order to get Bernie to lead them to some money or something.
OMG! Mia culpa. Yes, you are correct it is WAB 2.
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1:12 pm
September 16, 2010
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Revenant
| | Hopelessly Locked In A "Fear Cage" | |
| Lead Investigator | posts 1393 |
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This isn't a "based on a true story" sort of movie. But…it is based on a story. I'll explain later…
Movie: Brotherhood of the Wolf
Rating: In a bizarre genetic experiment, I am able to create the "cat/boar hybrid" that the "Fact or Faked" crew dreamt of. Afterwards, I build a time machine. I use the time machine to arrive just before I watch this film, release the cat/boar hybrid and it literally rips my face off. And…I am thankful.
Premise: The movie is loosely based on the book "The Innocence of the Wolves." That book centers around the "Beast of Gevaudan."
What's Up With That?: I had very uncharacteristically high hopes for this film for a few reasons. First, it centers around one of my favorite cryptozological stories…the Beast of Gevaudan. As the story goes, in France in the mid 1760's many, many people were killed. Some say a large wolf. Some say a Dire Wolf (thought to be extinct by that point). As time went on, some thought a serial murderer. Some thought a few serial murderers. And some even think a serial murderer using a very exotic pet such as a lion or a hyena. And of course, let's not rule out a monster. Even beyond all of that, the on-going event began to weave itself into French politics. So, as you can see, this has all the makings of an intelligent horror film.
I also love modern themes in period piece films. A great example is "The Name of the Rose" with Sean Connery. One of the very few films to get the vaunted "5 Star" rating in my Netflix account (as if that means anything…  )
Lastly, at the very least, the film also included Mark Dacascos who is a pretty good fighter, so if push comes to shove…the movie will have a couple of decent fight scenes. How could I lose?
Final Word: So…what did I get? A bunch of "period piece" suck.
There are scenes that would bore even the most ardent fans of typical PBS programming. It was brutal. Keep in mind, the film IS categorized as a horror film. There are certain points of criteria that need to be met for a typical American watching a horror film. You know…like any semblance of horror. I can't even make the case for changing it from Horror to Action because there wasn't even enough action for that.
And when there was action…it was terrible. The fight scenes were pathetic. The special effects were second rate at best. And the bad guy? Picture Snidely Whiplash as an uninteresting spent piece of used jet trash. The only thing that he didn't do his bury his head in a cape and mutter "I'm evil…EVAL!!!"
Just a tragically bad film. I mean, even the editing was terrible. There were several points in the movie when scenes would change in a nonsensical manner. It left us looking at each other asking if we missed something and what just happened.
*sighs* Such good fodder for a movie. In fact, I had written a huge article on the Beast of Gevaudan for SV…but, I kind of put it on the back burner because I wasn't in love with it. Then my computer committed suicide, so…there went the article. Maybe one day I'll take another stab at it. In any event, if anyone asks you to watch this film with them, punch them straight in the face and run away because they are not your friend and they should be punched in the face for even suggesting it…
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"Skepticism is not a position, it's a process." -Dr Michael Shermer
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